Strung Out on Chamomile

Most people wake and caffeinate. I wake and sedate. My to go mug carries chamomile, not coffee. People find this odd and ask me why I am not half asleep. I look at them with scorn and say things like "Um, have you met me???" At this point, ingesting horse tranquilizers would be a drop in this bucket of stress and anxiety I have going on. So, no, my morning tea choice does not make me sleepy.

In addition to stress and anxiety, I am also feeling a bit stabby today. I mulled over the reasons as to why this is during my commute. I came up with the following possibilities:

1. My day literally started at 12am with Hubby cussing at me about my snoring. (Screw you, dude, you snore, too.) I went to the couch where I spent the next 5 hours listening to my dog smacking his lips. WTF? What was he doing and why did it never end??? Maddening!

2. PMS?

3. I am channeling my inner Dick Cheney (because, seriously, be you Democrat or Republican you have to admit that Dick Cheney is the embodiment of evil).

4. Chamomile tea is neither wine nor horse tranquilizers.

I'm sure my current stabbiness is a mix of all of the above. It's really in everyone's best interest that I start my day chamomile tea, so stop acting all weird about me drinking it at 6:30am.

My dear son chose today of all days to wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I love him and I'm 99% sure that I will not run away to Mexico and "forget" to pick him up from school today but he was getting on my last nerve... He woke up whining about not getting picked to have breakfast with the principal (which just sounds like punishment to me) and there isn't even a breakfast with the principal scheduled today! That's like me whining about not winning the Wine Princess Contest when such a contest doesn't even exist!!

Side note: I would totally win a Wine Princess Contest.

Dear son could have at least chosen to whine about something that exists. Like the fact that I am never going to let him have his friend over for a play date because I am too lazy to clean the house. He really needs to think this shit through. He went on to mope for the entire ride to school (which is less than 10 minutes but felt like a millennium this morning). Woe is him and all he has are bad days. It was really hard to keep the words that I wanted to say in my head. Some examples are:

"Poor you. School must be so much harder than my soul-sucking career."

"Poor you. You get $22 MineCraft stuffed animals while Mommy is wearing clothes from 2003."

"Poor you. Is your shirt clean? It is. You want to know why? Because I do the same 6 loads of laundry every weekend and this wonderful chore will NEVER END."

"Poor you. Do you like using your tablet? I hope so because I pay the electric bill that charges that damn thing. And Xcel Energy is a real asshole company that triples my rates 4 months out of the year to 'encourage us to conserve energy during the hottest months of the year'. AND I'm still paying off said tablet but, no, you are the one who has it so rough."

Side note: Xcel Energy is right up there with Dick Cheney as the root of all evil but I won't get started on that now. That rant is a whole other Oprah.

Being the adult in this situation, I did keep all those words (and many more) in my head. Small victories? And now I'm off for another cup of chamomile. I fear for humans near me if I don't...