I'm all About Those Spanx, 'Bout Those Spanx, No Treble

No, I don't own a pair of Spanx. Yet... I decided on the way to work that I will ask for some for Christmas, though. I hear they liquefy your organs or something but, whatevs, because I am facing the truth. Even with diet and exercise (*snort* we all know those things are never happening for this gal), my age alone is beginning to require any and all help to look good.

Side note: Does the whole liquefy organs thing mean Spanx are voluntary Ebola??

There are certain outfits that look good on me but would be greatly enhanced by a cheat sheet to fix the, um, topography of my beloved body. Why not use the Cliff Notes version of the perfect curves - aka: Spanx?! The person who invented these things of genius was put here on this earth to make life easier for women who refuse to give up wine and carbs and wine and gluten and pizza and wine and, well, you get the drift.

So, on the days where I am not hiding my belly with a well-placed and stylish scarf, I am no longer sucking it in. I am letting Spanx suck it in for me.

Side note: Does this mean I am even lazier than we already thought I was??

Sure, I could "plank" for minutes every day. I could try a crunch or two. Or I could count every minute that I don't waste on that exercise bullshit and say that the time saved is $1 going into my "Saving Up for Spanx" piggy bank (pun intended).

Hello, Spanx! Welcome reality! Farewell, pipe dreams about Treble.

Side note: This was my breakfast this morning. Yes, you see carbs, bacon, egg, cheese, AND pesto. It's pretty much the only reason I got out of bed today.