It's Time You Learn the Truth

I loved personality quizzes way before Buzzfeed made them so cool. For any young'uns reading this blog, my love of quizzes started with magazines. Yes, things actually in print! I'm a damn dinosaur... But Cosmo only came out once a month so I resorted to any sort of personality test I could find, even the "legitimate" psychology ones. For the record I am an ENFJ. Yahoo that if you don't know what I am talking about.

With the invention of the Interwebs, we now have personality quizzes out the wazoo. And this is a good thing because without Buzzfeed or Playbuzz or Quizony I would have NO idea what kind of person I am. I would be wandering around in the dark, clueless. I would have no answers to questions such as "What Female Movie Stereotype Are You?" (the Mean Girl which I sort of take offense to). How could you live with yourself not knowing the answers to such deep and meaningful insights into your own soul?

Because I CARE about knowing myself, I take every quiz out there. I can tell you that I should actually be living in Georgia, my wild animal soul mate is a dolphin (and stupid me thought it was a tiger, so I'm thankful for being set straight), I'm a Democrat (nice to have validation that my voter registration card has been correct all this time), and I will be wise as an old person. I was super relieved to solve the mystery of which Kardashian family member I am (Kim, ew, but now I know at least).

How did humanity evolve without these quizzes? Screw Freud. HE never asked the important questions like "What Time of the Day Are You?" (late night for me which is bullshit because I haven't seen 10:30 in at least three years but whatevs because NOW I KNOW THE TRUTH and will adjust my entire life accordingly). And what the Hell was Carl Jung up to? That moron was wasting our time with all of his theories. Where was his published paper on "Which Hit Country Song Are You" (The Devil Went Down to Georgia).

Side note: That is a badass song and I am quite proud of myself and this might also be the reason why I should actually be living in Georgia. See how these quizzes are helping me connect the true dots and get my shit together?? I'm going to start house hunting as soon as this blog is posted.

But back to Freud and Jung and all those other amateurs. Rorschac can eat a dick. You know where those stupid pictures can be shoved. In fact, the whole field of psychology should just bow down to the Interwebs and admit that they have nothing on the profundity of "What Should You Buy in September" (car accessories, wtf?). So, cancel your therapy sessions and throw out all those self help books. Stop pretending that you know who you are and start taking the quizzes that bring the truth about you to light. This is mandatory to becoming the best you that Quizony says you should be. I'll let you know when I've secured housing in Georgia.

Another side note: I am not living anywhere near that ridiculous escalator in Atlanta. That shit is crazy steep and long. It's as bad as these freaky mountains I live near. My crippling fear of heights says no way!