Suck it, Dr. Seuss

I am an avid reader. I'm also a loyal person. But I have to betray one of my favorite authors today. You are dead to me, Dr. Seuss. You have ruined my entire week. In celebration of your birthday, my son's school has "celebrated" all week. Crazy hat day (we have no crazy hats), silly sock day (we're lucky we have clean socks, let alone silly ones), Wacky Wednesday (dressed my child like a weirdo but apparently he simply needed to be mismatched and kids made fun of him), we nailed Thursday since he dressed up like the soccer player he wants to be as a grown up (Oh, The Places You Will Go), and today left us in a bitter battle over how kids would make fun of his crazy hair. As the parent of an only child, I try to participate in everything. It's sort of the point of only having one. But I have failed miserably at this during Dr. Seuss week and, were this medicine man to still be breathing, I would shank him. Happy NOT YOUR ACTUAL BIRTHDAY ALL WEEK, Dr. Seusshole. I am going to go home and set Green Eggs and Ham on fire.

Side note: This is not the first time in this blog that I have sworn to set fire to things, is it? It's okay because I have been assured that I am a polite sociopath so I will apologize while that effing Fox in Socks floats away on his funeral pyre. You're welcome, Seuss.

Side side note: This is also not the first time I have written of shanking someone in this blog. Again, I defend myself with the polite sociopath thing. I will say sorry as I Hop on Pop with a sharp object.

It's Friday. It's clearly been a trying week. I am out of energy to keep ranting. It's time for One Fish, Two Fish, Red Wine, Blue Fish. And I am not celebrating this stupid Dr. Seuss week next year.

*throws mike and walks away*

Rut Roh...

I am officially in a huge rut. The conundrum of this is that I hate change and it even aggravates my anxiety disorder. But I am bored out of my damned skull and I am not sure what to do about it. I started this blog but that's such a small thing. Yes, I had been planning to do it for years so it's great that I got off my ass but, still, it adds 20 minutes of "new" to my life once a week if I am lucky.

Here are some of the things I have been considering:

1. Exercise... LMAO! Have you met me? But I lead off with this idea to show you just how DESPERATE I am for a change. I actually thought of starting running!!!!!!!!! This line of thinking is nothing more than a cry for help, people. Now I think we all understand the dire gravity of my rut.

2. A new pet. Namely, a dog. (Hubby won't allow another cat.) But I don't have time for a new dog (nor do I think Hubby will allow a canine either). The biggest reason that I want another pet is that another baby is so unreasonable at this point. Because a baby would be awesome (and keep me too busy to worry about my rut which is why people have babies anyway, right?)!

Side note: A baby would be awesome BUT kids do hinder a lot of your options. For example, running away to Tahiti was nixed because I can't leave Blake. As was doing whatever the Hell Reese Witherspoon does in that movie "Wild" (which my therapist keeps telling me I need to see for some reason). I guess, technically, a new puppy would also hinder the whole "Wild" thing... I'm starting to see a pattern to this rut. TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY.

3. New career. Okay, not a terrible idea. But I think that working at a jewelry store would not bring in the money my household needs (even if being surrounded by sparkly things all day would be great and I would totally try on fancy jewelry when my boss was at lunch). I am, above all, too practical to risk losing my house for happiness. That health insurance thing is also pretty awesome.

4. Write a book. I am too damn busy wallowing in my self-pity rut to be creative. You are assholes for suggesting that one.

5. A tattoo. Ugh. So 2001 for me. And the high only lasts a day or so. I can get out of my rut for a day or two with wine, so this idea is dead in the water.

6. Taking a class. Sure, with what time and/or money? And the only thing I really care to learn about is making my own wine. I can already cook. And why bother learning Italian when I can't run away to Italy (see Side Note above)?

7. Travelling. Awesome idea. If I had money. I am lucky I get to go nuts and stock up at Costco, let alone buy a plane ticket ANYWHERE.

So, here I sit. This rut is getting muddy... Maybe I can pretend I am at a spa... *sigh*