I Just Introduced Myself to My Phone

My Samsung Galaxy and I have been hanging out for almost 6 months now but, apparently, we never became properly acquainted before today. A few of us were standing around discussing the weather (snow and very cold) and this lead into a discussion about weather apps. I proudly displayed my Weather Kitty App where (for an extra $1.99) you can get Grumpy Cat to let you know that it's snowing.

Side note: Grumpy Cat is just as cranky about the snow as I am. Shocking.

So, then my phone became a topic of conversation because it's a Mini and I said I thought the battery sucked a little bit. I forgot to mention that I work next to IT and one of them is an avid smart phone junkie. He kept asking where all my apps were and I showed him. He said my phone was very Monk-like because I only have 4 apps on my home screen. Hey, phone clutter annoys me! I might have closets stuffed with junk to overflowing at home but my phone is clean as a whistle. And besides, what do I need besides Contacts, Text Messaging, Weather Kitty, and My Daily Horoscope on my home screen? I'm fine letting all the other apps I have (and don't use) hide.

Side note: My Daily Horoscope keeps promising me all this great stuff is going to happen and I am losing patience waiting for this to be true. I wonder if there is a Grumpy Cat Horoscope App because you know HE would be honest. "You're a grown up, life sucks, get over it."

But the real mind-blowing thing happened when my co-worker told me about "Ok, Google". What it this piece of magic and how did I not know about it??? Now all those commercials with people saying "Ok, Google" are making SO much more sense! And I am no longer jealous of Siri (she seems kind of like a bitch any way, if you ask me). But first I had to introduce myself to my phone. THREE TIMES. Now it recognizes my voice! I feel so close to the little darling now. I just want to "Ok, Google" random shit all day. I can't believe I have wasted all this time using my fingers to look things up. I could have been doing so many more important things with them, like opening the wine spigot on my trusty box o' booze. If I just had just cozied up to my phone properly when we first met, I could have been way drunker these last 6 months. I just smacked myself on the forehead and said 'God, I'm an idiot", just like Dad taught me to do when I was three. Lesson learned. More wine will be had when I get home tonight and converse with my phone rather than actually touching it.

Side note: I am going to ask IT for more phone lessons. I hear it can give you directions to places and stuff. I think I have discovered a whole new world of technology and it has only taken me three years of being a smart phone owner! And here I thought I was all fancy using it to help me do math during Monopoly last night.