I am an avid reader. I'm also a loyal person. But I have to betray one of my favorite authors today. You are dead to me, Dr. Seuss. You have ruined my entire week. In celebration of your birthday, my son's school has "celebrated" all week. Crazy hat day (we have no crazy hats), silly sock day (we're lucky we have clean socks, let alone silly ones), Wacky Wednesday (dressed my child like a weirdo but apparently he simply needed to be mismatched and kids made fun of him), we nailed Thursday since he dressed up like the soccer player he wants to be as a grown up (Oh, The Places You Will Go), and today left us in a bitter battle over how kids would make fun of his crazy hair. As the parent of an only child, I try to participate in everything. It's sort of the point of only having one. But I have failed miserably at this during Dr. Seuss week and, were this medicine man to still be breathing, I would shank him. Happy NOT YOUR ACTUAL BIRTHDAY ALL WEEK, Dr. Seusshole. I am going to go home and set Green Eggs and Ham on fire.
Side note: This is not the first time in this blog that I have sworn to set fire to things, is it? It's okay because I have been assured that I am a polite sociopath so I will apologize while that effing Fox in Socks floats away on his funeral pyre. You're welcome, Seuss.
Side side note: This is also not the first time I have written of shanking someone in this blog. Again, I defend myself with the polite sociopath thing. I will say sorry as I Hop on Pop with a sharp object.
It's Friday. It's clearly been a trying week. I am out of energy to keep ranting. It's time for One Fish, Two Fish, Red Wine, Blue Fish. And I am not celebrating this stupid Dr. Seuss week next year.
*throws mike and walks away*
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